the endings are going well, the middles not so much
2006-04-11 | 10:14 p.m.

It always worries me when I'm the first one to finish an exam. I get to the last question on page seven, and I look around, and everyone else is still on page four ... and I think, oh man, am I missing a page?

I think I'm just a speedy exam-writer. Not sayin' it to brag, because maybe if I slowed down, I'd pull a better-than-average grade once in a while. When I handed in my paper, an hour and a half into the exam, the prof checked his watch, grinned at me, and said "good for you." I don't know what he meant by that, but hey, his not knowing that I'd spent the previous twenty minutes staring at my finished exam will not hurt him.

Alas, with neurolinguistics out of the way, I no longer have any excuse not to finish the phonology assignment, study for the developmental language disorders exam, and write the *%$!ing speech science paper.

But I did finally finish transcribing the speech sample for my phonology assignment. Now I just hope that we have enough exemplars of every sound, or else ... we'll have to transcribe more. *shudder*

In other news, I found out yesterday that a friend of mine, who I thought was going to be gone over the summer, is actually going to be here. I should be overjoyed. Someone to hang out with who lives closer than the fricking west island!

So, why am I not?

A terrible thing has happened with this particular friend. I've gotten it into my head that he doesn't actually like me that much. That some vague sense of guilt is the only thing that's keeping him from blowing me off altogether.

Maybe that's a stupid thing to think, and maybe it isn't. I don't know. But I do know that he lives a block away from me, and I've got friends in the GTA I see more often.

I really don't want to hang around with someone who isn't happy to see my name on an email, or my number on his call display. I don't want to spend my time with someone for whom that time is more of an obligation than a pleasure. But of course, I don't actually know that he feels that way. In fact, now that I reread what I've written, I have to admit that he probably doesn't. I'm just paranoid about it.

I'm sure it's a stupid thing to think. But I can't help it. The thought's in my head, and it won't go away.

What happened to the friendship that looked so promising, back in September? Why am I killing it? And why, oh why, do I insist on torturing it first?

This is how paralyzed I've become. He tells me that he's going to be here over the summer, and I'm terrified to reveal that I'm going to be here too. That's a pretty overblown reaction.

Fricking neurosis!

Back on the upside, I finally got around to calling up my cousin the other day, and we talked for a long time. He was tending bar yesterday at some big charity lunch buffet thing that I so would have been at if I could afford $75 for lunch. But we're probably going to get together next week, and his boyfriend has promised to help me find a good deal on a wireless card for my laptop.

I should also ask him how I should go about fixing the fan...

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