put me in, coach! i want to play the game!
2006-06-29 | 9:13 p.m.

Okay.

I really think I've got it this time.

I've found the problem. The reason my past relationships (all two of them) were essentially doomed from the beginning.

They were doomed from the beginning because they were relationships from the beginning.

They skipped the dating part altogether.

I suppose if either one had been "meant to be" it wouldn't have mattered so much.

This is the thing- Yes, I've had relationships. But I've never actually dated. And I want to. I want to meet a guy, feel a little spark of attraction, discover a couple of common interests, and just give it a shot, with no sense of obligation and no friggin' pressure.

You know that friend of mine, the one I had such a crush on? It was kind of like that when I hung out with him. No pressure whatsoever, because I knew all along that we were never going to be more than friends. Although it does worry me a little that his complete unavailability might have had something to do with why I fell for him. I mean, just how much of a head case does that make me?

Still, I've had a taste of it now. What it would be like, just to go out with a guy, without having to decide, right then, whether I'm actually going out with him.

And oh, my ... I want more.

So now I'm trying to figure out how to get myself into a game that, at almost 25 years old, I've never really played. (Maybe this is my version of the quarter-life crisis?)

I've got a few ideas, most of which are things that, at sixteenish, I swore I would never, ever sink so low as to do. Like online dating.

Hey, it's not like I'm going to meet many men at Beatty Hall, and it's not like I'm going to meet many straight men by hanging around with my cool cousin.

I don't know. But, dammit, I'm here for another year, and it's past time I started having some real fun.

So we'll see.

looking back | looking forward