the power of 'fessing up
2006-11-16 | 12:03 a.m.

I finally talked to him last night.

In the last set of emails we exchanged, I pointed out that it was perfectly okay for him to change or cancel plans if he had to - life is full of unexpected twists. I know how it is. But please, I said, please do tell me that you're changing the plans before the weekend we were supposed to get together, and not two weeks later.

Last night, over beers at Thomson House, he apologized.

It wasn't a big touchy-feely, all-of-the-ugly-thoughts-we've-ever-had-aired-out-and-cleaned-up kind of moment. Just a casual, "yeah, that was my fault, I'm really sorry," kind of thing.

And you know what?

It was enough.

Oh, sure, if it keeps happening, then I'll know he really doesn't get it, and that'll be it, but I think it'll be okay.

In a related story, remember my gripe about my coffee mug being used by other people all the time?

Today when I was in the lab, I decided I wanted to make some tea. When I got upstairs to the kitchen ... my mug was not there.

I was pissed. I could have just used one of the other mugs that was there ... no one else in my class was there, so I knew no one would need those mugs. But it was the principle of the thing. It was my mug. I'd gone so far as to put my name on it so that people would know it was my mug, and not a communal one.

So, as I stood there in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil, I didn't get out a mug. Instead, I waited. And sure enough, one of the first-years (it is the first years doing it, we've discovered) came into the kitchen with my mug.

She saw me standing there with a tea bag in my hand, and knew she was busted. She said, oh, she used my mug, she was really sorry. She didn't usually take other people's mugs but she'd forgotten hers today. And then she washed it and gave it to me.

And I wasn't pissed anymore. Being caught red-handed is, I think, sometimes punishment enough. Besides, assuming that she did intend to wash it, it wasn't unreasonable for her to think I wasn't going to need it today. After all, my class doesn't have classes on Wednesday. I was only there to work in the lab.

Anyway, my point is this- I'm a total sucker for a simple, straightforward, sincere apology. Rightly or wrongly, that's enough for me. I also think that anyone who continues to act all aggrieved after getting the sincere apology is just being a histrionic, self-important jerk, but that's another story altogether.

Sometimes I wonder why so many people have so much trouble just admitting to a perfectly honest mistake, apologizing, and moving on.

Peter MacKay, I'm looking at you.

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